at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
