Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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