Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
