in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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