Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
