i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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