haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
