Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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