let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
