I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
