someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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