So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
