she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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