I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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