before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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