and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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