who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
