I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
