listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
