cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
