When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
