I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
