No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
