if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
