life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
