dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
