So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
