I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
