there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
