mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
