the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
