dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
