I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize