This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
