Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize