There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
