I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
