The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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