I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
another moral hangover. fuck.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
