oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
