Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize