She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
