If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
