she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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