I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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