God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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