im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
