You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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