ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
