we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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