So drunk its hurt
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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