Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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