Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
