I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize