shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the day after is always just damage control
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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