I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
