Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
