You made me cry and you don't even care
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
so much tequila, so little girl.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
