I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
