I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
