I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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