I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
either way he was missing a nipple.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
