I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
