Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize