I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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