im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize