There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
