You just made me feel so damn special
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
