i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
